


splatter the paint

by lilevans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Lighthearted, Modern AU, Social Media AU, also alcohol, also they use snapchat in this i tried to make it work, featuring graffiti and starbursts, texting au, they wander around and sirius ends up in jail and everything sucks for a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 07:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17678852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilevans/pseuds/lilevans
Summary: (the one where they go on an adventure cuz sirius is a nuisance on a Saturday night and maybe the cops are somewhat involved because someone accuses sirius of public indecency)





	splatter the paint

**Author's Note:**

> @ kenzie if u read this; i love u and we're here for the remus x lily xoxo
> 
> [PLAYLIST HERE.](https://open.spotify.com/user/phoenixintheashes/playlist/4xNTHFqpFkZxitF24Vmvn2?si=0N9yb5sAQgmBI3Lyh1C7gA)

**james potter**  to  **sirius black** : so  

 **james potter** :  it’s currently 3:22am

 **james potter** : are u making ham and cheese toasties again?

 **sirius black** : no

 **sirius black** : maybe

 **sirius black** : y

 **james potter** : i forgot to feed the cat can you give her some ham

 **james potter** : and can u make me one

 **sirius black** : fuck off

//

 **peter pettigrew** to  **3 HOTTIES AND A THOTTIE** : sirius and i have been having this argument all day now is captain crunch better than cinnamon toast crunch

 **remus lupin** : do you guys ever talk about anything normal

 **sirius black** : what else do u talk about while smoking outside the music block

 **remus lupin** : literally anything else

 **sirius black** : answer the question u fuck

 **remus lupin** : cinnamon toast crunch

 **remus lupin** : without a doubt

 **peter pettigrew** : told ya

 **sirius black** : u just all have low standards

 **james potter** : ur right

 **james potter** : we’re friends with you

**sirius black left the group.**

**peter pettigrew  added sirius black.**

**peter pettigrew** : no way u get away that easily

 **james potter** : ur stuck with us like we’re stuck with u dear

 **sirius black** : gosh darn it

//

 **remus lupin** to  **lily evans** : did you do the lit homework

 **lily evans** :  fitzgerald?

 **remus lupin** : no harper lee

 **remus lupin** : we’re not doing the great gatsby questions until next term

 **lily evans** : well shit

//

 

* * *

 

**sirius black**  to  **lily evans** : why is ur phone number written on the wall of the urinal

 **lily evans** :  marlene thought it was funny

 **sirius black** : why was she in here

 **lily evans** : shes gay she has no fear

 **sirius black** : can I draw some tits above it

 **lily evans** : be my guest

//

 **james potter**  to  **lily evans** : evans its james. remus gave me ur number because he said u can help me with my lit homework

 **lily evans** : HAH

 **lily evans** : he lied to hide the fact that neither of us have done it

 **lily evans** : i accidentally did my fitzgerald homework 3 months early

 **james potter** : only you

//

 **sirius black**  to  **remus lupin** : can u pick me up some starburst from Apco

 **remus lupin** : no

 **SIRIUS BLACK** :  i know ur there u have snapmaps on

 **remus lupin** : not anymore

 **sirius black** : DID U JUST TURN SNAPMAPS OFF

 **sirius black** : ur dead to me get me starburst

 **remus lupin** : not wrong

 **remus lupin** : i am on ghost mode now

 **sirius black** : rim my hairy ass

 **remus lupin** : ask james

//

 **sirius black** : to  **james potter** : do u wanna rim me by any chance

 **james potter** : did remus turn snapmaps off cuz of u

 **sirius black** : u love me prongs

 **james potter** : only cuz ur so pretty

//  

 **mary macdonald**  to  **the breakfast club:**  apco sells vanilla pepsi now it’s a good day

 **marlene mckinnon** : and kombucha

 **mary macdonald** : no one likes kombucha except you marlene

 **mary macdonald** : u pretentious gay fuck

 **lily evans** : i do

 **alice fortescue** : of course you do lil

 **marlene mckinnon** : kombucha is the reason I get so much pussy mary don’t be a bore

 **alice fortescue** : have you guys done the presentation in psych yet

 **marlene mckinnon** : no but lil has 12 handy cue cards if you need them

 **lily evans** : only if you pretend to be my girlfriend whenever severus is around for the next two weeks

 **alice fortescue** : of course babe

 **alice fortescue** : anything for you

 **lily evans** : xoxo

//

 **lily evans**  to  **remus lupin** what if I asked u to be my fake boyfriend

 **lily evans** : would u say yes

 **remus lupin** :  is this because snape is giving you some serious side eye

 **lily evans** :   partly

 **lily evans** :   also he’s not falling for me and alice pretending to date

 **remus lupin** : that’s probably because everyone knows that alice and frank have been together for years

 **remus lupin** : they’re the reason there’s PDA rules in the library now

 **lily evans** :   I like to pretend that she left him for me in a devastatingly tragic act of gay passion

 **remus lupin** :  of course you do

 **remus lupin** : I’ll hold your hand in the halls if you like

 **lily evans** :   I love you like no other remus

 **remus lupin** : have you told your fake girlfriend that yet

//

 **remus lupin** : to  **lily evans** : don’t tell james it’s fake it’ll be hilarious

 **lily evans** : was about to message you the same thing

 **remus lupin** : we’re terrible

 **lily evans** :   he’s terrible back

 **lily evans** :   when he had a man bun he stole my scrunchie and I never got it back

//

 **james potter** : to  **lily evans** :   question

 **james potter** : why were you holding moony’s hand earlier in legal

 **lily evans** :   oh

 **james potter** : what?

 **lily evans** :   didn’t u know?

 **james potter** : wHAT

 **lily evans** :   he’s the love of my life

//

 **james potter** : to  **remus lupin** :  okay but what’s happening with you and evans

 **remus lupin** :  im so sorry

 **remus lupin** :  it just sorta happened

//

 **james potter** : to gang gang: IS REMUS DATING EVANS OR NOT

 **peter pettigrew** : WOT

 **remus lupin** : not jealous are you?

 **sirius black** : well I mean

 **sirius black** : she was his second love

 **sirius black** : even if you never feel quite as strongly as you did for the first

 **sirius black** :  it doesn’t just go away

 **peter pettigrew** : stop being gay for jim for one damn minute

 **sirius black** : he’s gay for me

 **james potter** : SIRIUS

 **sirius black** : yes dear?

 **james potter** :  I know u know tell me the truth or I’ll hide the sandwich press

 **sirius black** :  u WOULDN’T

 **remus lupin** : you don’t tell him anything and I’ll buy you starburst chews from apco tomorrow

 **sirius black** :  u both make a good case

 **sirius black** : I’m sorry james

 **sirius black** : they’re in love and they were too afraid to tell u

 **sirius black** : and evans is still mad that u stole her scrunchie

 **james potter** :  WE WERE 14

 **peter pettigrew** :and you had a man bun

 **james potter** :  IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME PETE

 **remus lupin** :that’s what they all say

//

 **remus lupin** : to  **sirius black** :  you told him didn’t you

 **sirius black** :  my love for 3am toasties knows no bounds

 **sirius black** : had to do it to em

 **remus lupin** : kiss those starburst chews goodbye

 **sirius black** : i’m literally in apco buying more right now you twit

 **sirius black** : this is why you should turn snapmaps back on

 **sirius black** : also it’s james’ money do you want anything

 **remus lupin** : can you buy me a 6 pack of Vs and a vanilla pepsi

 **remus lupin** : and a very large drill

 **sirius black** : how are you the evilest of us all

 **remus lupin** : they never see me coming            

 

//

 **lily evans** :  to  **sirius black** :  are you going to greg thornton’s party next saturday?

 **sirius black** : probs are u

 **lily evans** :   only if severus isn’t

 **sirius black** :  if he shows up I’ll ditch with u

 **lily evans** :   where would we go?

 **sirius black** :  where ever there’s trouble

 **lily evans** :   aye aye captain

 

 **james potter** : to  **lily evans** :   are you actually still mad about the scrunchie thing 

 **lily evans** :   is that even a question

 **lily evans** :   yes!!!

 **james potter** :  u wear a different one every day???

 **lily evans** : you’d know

 **lily evans** : cuz my favourite one was defiled by ur greasy ass man bun

 **james potter** : evans

 **james potter** : c’mon

 **james potter:** i’m on my hands and knees here

 **lily evans** : okay I forgive u

 **lily evans** : but u owe me kombucha for the rest of ur life

 **james potter** : of course milady

 **james potter** : if you wanna drink the gross stuff that’s all on u

 **james potter** : happy to be of service in that tasteless venture  

 **lily evans** : ur addicted to gingerbeer speak for urself

//

 

 **sirius black**   **added lily evans** to  **gang gang McGangBang**

 **lily evans** :  isn’t the McGangBang the secret maccas burger

 **peter pettigrew** : WAIT THAT’S WHAT IT IS???

 **peter pettigrew** : WE’VE BEEN ASKING WHAT IT IS FOR WEEKS

 **peter pettigrew** : CAN WE KEEP YOU

 **remus lupin** : what fresh hell is this

 **lily evans** : our break up wasn’t that bad babe c’mon

 **remus lupin** : you know I’m still head over heels for you

 **james potter** : *sad crying emoji*

 **peter pettigrew** :  am I missing something?

//

 **remus lupin** : to  **james potter** :  are you in love with lily?

 **james potter** : don’t be daft  

//

 **james potter** : to  **lily evans** : evans

 **james potter** : you’re pretty cool

 **james potter** : and you don’t have to take snape’s shit

 **lily evans** : thanks

 **lily evans** : honestly it’s just messy graffiti on my locker than happens to be a combination of slurs why is everyone so worked up about it

 **james potter** : because ur not at all what he said u are

 **james potter** : even if u like kombucha

 **james potter** : and won’t let the scrunchie thing go

 **james potter** : ur awesome

 **lily evans** : ur not always so bad urself

 **lily evans** : scrunchie stealer

//

 **lily evans** to  **james potter:** [attatchment: vines that tickle my pickle]

 **james potter:** did u MAKE a vine compilation

 **james potter:**  its 4am

 **lily evans:** I couldn’t sleep

 **lily evans:**  also made myself a toastie

//

 **james potter** to  **sirius black:**  god she’s my dream girl

//

 **james potter** : to  **lily evans** : heard u were coming to thornton’s tonight?

 **lily evans** : yah w the girls

 **lily evans** : marlene’s already there and she said she tried to subtly flirt with a girl but the girl then started talking to her about getting sirius’ number from her

 **james potter** : anddddd that means Sirius will be swooping in

 **james potter** : oh would u look at that he did

 **lily evans** : right on schedule

 **james potter:** rest in pieces marlene

 **lily evans** : i gotta give it to them theyre a good team

 **james potter** : yeah it’s kinda sad

 **lily evans** : but yay gay allies

 **james potter** : is snape coming

 **lily evans** : if he is Sirius and i are ditching and going back to urs

 **james potter** : same

 **james potter** : we’ll throw our own party and it’ll be way cooler

 **lily evans** : only cuz I’ll be there

 **lily evans** : and we’ll play all the good 80s tunes that everyone loves but is too afraid to admit that they love at a party

 **james potter** : did u mean: rocky horror picture show soundtrack

 **lily evans** : on repeat

 **james potter** : wow snape really is missing out on a wild one

 **lily evans** : [attachment: ‘its what she deserves’ gif]

 **james potter** : ESDFJKHFKJSHDFKJ

 **james potter** : that was so dumb

 **james potter** : congrats u just won my heart

 **lily evans** : sorry sirius

 **james potter** : sorry remus

 **lily evans** : i’m here come greet me at the door like a gentleman

 **james potter:**  milady

//

 **sirius black**  to  **james potter** :  how in love with her are u

 **james potter** : she smiled and it felt like id just downed 5 shots of rum

 **sirius black** : sounds about right

 **james potter** : i’m pathetic

 **sirius black** : yes

 **sirius black** : but at least this time its in a good way

//

 **james potter**  to  **remus lupin** :  yes

 **remus lupin:** yes?

 **james potter:** i am in love with her and my throat hurts a lot because I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone so badly

 **remus lupin** : don’t fuck it up

 **james potter** : im just gonna go and actually have those 5 shots of rum now

 **remus lupin** : WHAT DID I  _J U S T_  SAY

//

 **alice fortescue**  to  **lily evans** : since when were u so close with the boys?

 **alice fortescue** : other than remus

 **alice fortescue:**  which i’m still mad about btw

 **lily evans** : im sorryyyyyy babe

 **lily evans** :  i promise i only have eyes for u

 **lily evans** :  but its just sorta happened

 **lily evans** :  they’re shitheads

 **lily evans** : but i kinda love them all

//

 **marlene mckinnon**  to  **lily evans** :  snape just walked in with mulciber

//

 **lily evans** : to  **sirius black** :  don’t do anything stupid

 **lily evans** : let’s just grab the others and go

 **sirius black** : define “stupid”

 **lily evans** :  sirius

 **lily evans** :  sirius what did u do

//

 **peter pettigrew** to  **WHATS THE MCGANG BANG WTF EVANS** did Sirius just punch snape in the face or am I too wine drunk

 **remus lupin** : that happened

//

 **lily evans**  to  **basketcasesTM:**   we’re going back to James’

 **lily evans** : i’m not staying here and we gotta go fix Sirius’ hand anyway

 **alice fortescue:**  frank just went home vomiting so that sounds like a plan

 **marlene mckinnon** : yeah the cute girl left

 **marlene mckinnon** : Lil I’ll take the others in my car u go with Sirius

 **lily evans** : mar you’re a queen among men

//

 **lily evans**  to  **remus lupin** :  I know we’re using them as an ice pack for his knuckles

 **lily evans** : but would Sirius be mad if I stole a zooper dooper

 **remus lupin** : don’t ask just do pussy

 **lily evans** : damn remus

 **lily evans** : im stealing some vodka cruisers too do u want some

 **lily evans** : altho i am already considerablly intoxicicatedd

 **remus lupin** : take it easy

 **remus lupin** : youll spill all your secrets

 **lily evans** : true

 **lily evans** : also

 **lily evans** : what if

 **lily evans** : hypothetically

 **lily evans** : i told u i had a mild to moderate crush on james

 **remus lupin** : hypothetically

 **remus lupin** : i already knew

 **lily evans** :  i’m screwed aren’t i

 **remus lupin** : extremely

//

 **euphemia potter**  to  **james potter** : sweetie, I don’t mind that you and the boys came home early

 **euphemia potter** : and as much as I loved the 80s and the music it brought with it, it’s midnight

 **euphemia potter:** xo

 **james potter** : sorry mum

 **euphemia potter:** I’m trying to force your dad to watch game of thrones and he keeps humming along to africa xo

//

**remus lupin created the group.**

**remus lupin added**   **james potter** ,  **lily evans** ,  **peter pettigrew** ,  **sirius black** ,  **marlene mckinnon** ,  **mary macdonald** ,  **alice fortescue**.

 **remus lupin**   **named the group FFS SIRIUS**

 **remus lupin** : pads

 **remus lupin** : wanna tell us where u are rn

 **mary macdonald** : i thought we put him to bed upstairs

 **marlene mckinnon** : yeah not anymore apparently

 **alice fortescue** : i hope take on me wasn’t too loud buddy

 **alice fortescue** : at least there’s not much bass

 **sirius black** : I’m ExtrEemMely dRNunk bbut u think i’m walking down thirrssssk avenue

 **sirius black:** i sgould punchhh snivellous moreeee oftem

 **james potter** : guess we’re going on adventure lads

 **lily evans** :  aye aye captain

 **remus lupin** : don’t act like ur not excited

 **james potter** : party was getting a little quiet

 **sirius black** :  UR WELLCOMNE !!!

//

 **james potter**  to **FFS SIRIUS:**  snapmaps says he’s on Lonsdale st

 **mary macdonald:** which poor girl do u think he’s messaging

 **marlene mckinnon:** probs melanie smith from earlier

 **remus lupin** : don’t tell me he’s going to apco

 **sirius black** : I wsnt paint

 **lily evans** : NO

//

 **snapchat story** from  ** _m_mckinnon_**   **( _1:47am_ )**

_(caption: sirius has spilt paint all over the ground and tried to graffiti the melrose tunnel and then streaked through town to get back to apco. he’s very drunk.)_

**snapchat story**  from  ** _peteypettigrew123 (2:01am)_**

_(caption: someone called the cops on sirius for vandalism but @jimmyfleamont can’t stop laughing about it) ****_

**snapchat story** from  ** _sblack (3:54am)_**

_(caption: is it really a saturday night if u don’t get drunk and end up in jail? go hard or go home am i right ladies?!)_

**snapchat story by _JimmyFleamont_**   ** _(4:20am)_**

_(caption: bailed @sblack out of jail and he still won’t give me any of his cig.)_

**snapchat story**  by  ** _lil_evans_**   ** _(6:34am)_**

_(caption: it’s 6:33 we haven’t slept !!! we’re very drunk!!! but!! the sunrise is pretty and i love all of these losers with all of my heart.)_

**snapchat story by _Remus_Lupin (7:32am)_**

_(caption: the smoking fields got more than they bargained for tonight. *picture of a penis burned into the grass*)_

_//_

**sirius black**  to  **BIG SLUTS FROM PIZZA HUT**

 **sirius black** : jail has changed me i swear

 **remus lupin:** you were in there for half an hour and only because james couldn’t stop laughing calm down

 **sirius black** : jim bob the street sign in ur room defs isn’t from me

 **james potter** : i love it bby

 **peter pettigrew** : why am i covered in paint

 **james potter** : all good questions

 **james potter** : sirius?

 **sirius black** : i think we were painting the tunnel around melrose by about 2

 **remus lupin:** correction: YOU were doing that

 **marlene mckinnon** : it was actually a lot of fun

 **mary macdonald** : we should do dumb shit more often

 **remus lupin** :  if you’re friends with us you’re doing dumb shit every day

 **peter pettigrew** : exactly

 **alice fortescue:**   i’m hungover anyone down to do a maccas run and get me a McGangBang

 **mary macdonald** : i’m on it

 **peter pettigrew** : i’ll get a large fries

 **remus lupin** : come pick me up I know everyone’s usuals

 **sirius black** : stop by apco and get Vs and starburst 

 **peter pettigrew** : also we’re out of cinnamon toast crunch

 **mary macdonald** : remus you’re a life saver

 **remus lupin** : one of my many talents

 **peter pettigrew** : sirius is that u on the news

 **mary macdonald** : oh my god

//

 **lily evans**  to  **james potter** :  did u mean what u said in the field

 **lily evans** :  and on the corner of melrose and lansbury avenue

 **lily evans** : and in the park by the pond  

 **james potter** : which bit

 **james potter** : i was still quite drunk

 **lily evans** :  the bit where u told me u loved me quite madly

 **lily evans** :  and the bit where u said that seeing me under a streetlight was like seeing the world right for the first time

 **james potter** : drunk james is quite a poet isn’t he

 **lily evans:** and the part where you kissed me in the field by the main road into town when the sun was rising

 **james potter** : i meant all of it

 **james potter** : but especially that bit

 **james potter** : did you mean the part where u said I didn’t owe u kombucha anymore?

 **lily evans** : only if you come kiss me right this minute

 **lily evans** : and scratch my number off the wall of the urinal

 **james potter** : anything for you, evans.

//

**Author's Note:**

> song: angelica's room by war is over  
> i know there wasn't really a "problem" as such but i just wanted a small lil fluffy piece abt them doing dumb shit so hopefully it worked out okay!!!


End file.
